Billy "Bubbles" Talbert
Grand champion of the so-so. As exemplified in his previous SLO standing of 8th place. He's not one to strive to compete against but not one to turn your back on. You won't hear him woo or groan. He'll
just be there... competing.
Brett Cline
Brett Cline is an adjunked professa at NW College of the Pimping Arts, lecturing in Biznass Management. He is a distinguished recipient of #1 Pimp Award (shown here at the presentation ceremony last Christmas). Brett is widely known for proving Cline’s Theorem of Jackin’ Fools.
Cam Levine
This is really going to be a lot of fun and I wish all the competitors the best. Quick question, anyone know where to discretely dispose of 15 prideless bodies?
Carter Lanoux
I will transform myself into a 6'2" metallic cobra for one day, October 3rd.
Chris Arends
Christachio was born with a full head of hair, and a full stache of manliness. By an inexplicable act of nature, hair only grows in the manliest places, in the manliest fashion possible. While the rest of these guys think they walk on water, Christachio swims on land.
Dennis Gaffney
An accomplished taco eater, and Guinness drinker, Dennis' passion for competition is outmatched only by his undying thirst. A frequent victim of alcohol induced narcolepsy, he should do well in this years competition if he can manage to stay awake through the late rounds.
"Little" Erik Wilson
"Not now, chief. I'm in the fucking zone."
Gibson Holub
You see that? That's a beard of monkeys my friends. Monkeys in EFFING BOWTIES, BITCHES. GROWING FROM MY FACE! You can't compete with the likes of that. You can barely handle this bio without curling into the fetal position and sobbing. Nothing can save you now. You're mine.
Jevon Schooley
Jevon is a baby. A big baby with a poopy diaper. He can cry and whine like no other so let him win before he throws another tantrum.
Kyle Art
“Who has two thumbs and a pocket full of kick-ass?”
Kyle Smetana
I will dominate each of the fools above me and below me on this page at one point on October 3, 2009.
Mark Dobrowski
Matt Atkins
Fear me, for I wear a helmet!
Stephen Weingarten
While Stephen Weingarten may be the losingest pitcher in the history of Portland kickball, it may be said with some confidence that nobody has averaged longer innings or thrown more pitches. He was also, notably, a member of the last place Goldschläger team in the inaugural season of the now defunct Spirit Bowling League, and has been the owner of a fantasy football team that famously managed to lose every single game one season. Despite all this, Stephen was somehow man enough to knock up his old lady (though apparently not man enough to produce a son), and whose daughter is due at the end of October. He is planning to kick all of y'all's asses. Also, his first name is spelled with an 'ph', not with a 'v'.
Tim Stout
I'm very good at all types of games: "Throw this at that." "Put that thing in this thing." "Hit those with these." "Toss these into those." "Use this thing to hit that thing into those things." And my favorite, "use this thing to hit that thing into those things without hitting those other things." I'm also good at beer sports, namely "put those beers into this belly."
Zac Thomas
Zac's meteoric rise to mediocrity is hampered only by cease and desists orders and his medications. Zac will enter this competition with his mind and member unchecked. Sound the tocsin and prepare to be destroyed.
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